Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
