we have pet lesbian snakes
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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