Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
