I need help removing her.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
