and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
