Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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