So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
