I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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