If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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