I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
