Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
