The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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