If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
