you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
