The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize