You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
