the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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