She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
