I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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