Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
