This girl is more easily done than said...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize