I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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