me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
