"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
