Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Nicole vs. Life
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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