I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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