I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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