I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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