Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
