She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
