if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
