We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
