brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
