Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
