You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize