I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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