I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
