You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
