K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
