Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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