I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
