I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
