you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
