I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
