Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
