do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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