So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
