I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize