GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
