you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
