I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Your cock deserves a montage
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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