Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
