Only a mothe r could love this liver
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
