3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As shirtless as possible
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
