yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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