Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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