It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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