No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
