im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
