Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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