Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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