"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
