I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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